I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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