Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
