Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
