I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
