Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
