hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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