I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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