So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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