We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
