i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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