There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
