You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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