A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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