he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
