Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
