where am i from again
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
