I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
