"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
