I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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