They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
