So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
