he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
