He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
