We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
COCAINE IS GR8
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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