My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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