and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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