I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
