god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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