this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
