I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
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