Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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