i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You are a genius and a whore.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
