like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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