can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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