some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
