This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
