dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
