I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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