Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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