My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
