She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
