The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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