First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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