I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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