Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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