So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
