Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
