Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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