I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
