with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
