I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
