And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
