Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
