If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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