Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
