you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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