Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
