I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
